More Ideal Jobs

[andraste]

I swear, I will never get bored of this bit of script! Every time I think I have seen everything that's programmed into it, it throws another one at me. Career guidance from the magic computer thingy:

- the coalition of the willing -

George W. Bush: Vibrator tester
Tony Blair: Professional Tramp
John Howard: Lap dancer

... I cannot help thinking they would do less damage this way.

- actors! -

Ian McKellen: Monkey Impressionist
Patrick Stewart: Prime Minister (I think we should campaign for this.)

apathocles wanted Transfomers, and who am I to refuse her?



- Autobots, who mostly weren't that funny so I didn't bother listing most of them -

Wheeljack: Pirate
Ratchett: Pro Football Player
Skyfire: Gigolo (the real reason he and Starscream broke up)

- Decepticons, who are much, much funnier -

Galvatron: President
Cyclonus: Stand Up Comedian
Thundercracker: Church Minister
Skywarp: Topless Model
Soundwave: Suicide Bomber
Rumble: Ho

- and saving the best for last -

Unicron: Pole Dancer (... all I can think is 'gosh, that would have be a very big pole!')
Megatron: Village Idiot
Starscream: Garden Gnome
Optimus Prime: Nun (this is my favourite thing ever)

- Peace Keepers, because Apathy's wish is my command -

Aeryn Sun: Porn Star
Scorpius: Dodgem Driver
Mele-On Grazay: Panto Dame
Bialar Crais: Soap Actor
Braca: Anything except what you're doing now (yeah, I cans see him feeling that way for much of the series.)

- characters selected at random for their hilarity -

G'Kar: Nice Old Man
Londo Mollari: Porn Star (... only when I'm writing the story)
Winn Adami: Wicked Witch of the West
Garak: Mime Artist
Captain Picard: Muppet Impersonator
Batman: Kids TV Presenter
Avon: Nursury Teacher
Vila Restal: Shoplifting
Rorschach: stripper (*screams some more*)

Comments

[apathocles.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, I CAN'T BREATHE. Strangely enough, it was 'Rumble: Ho' that pushed me over the edge.

But oh man, Wheeljack would make a great pirate. And Skyfire could service many Transformers at once, given his size. (Missing scene from Fire in the Sky: Skyfire was actually servicing the captured Autobots when Starscream came along. Poor, poor Starscream.)

... Heh, given the number of jokes in the fandom about Skyfire being the Autobot taxi, I guess it's not too much of a reach to make him the Autobot bike, huh? XD

George W. Bush: Vibrator tester
Tony Blair: Professional Tramp
John Howard: Lap dancer

Someone needs to write a porn star politislash AU, oh yes. (And I will never see the words 'Coalition of the Willing' in quite the same way again.)

I can't even bring myself to comment on the main Decepticon characters. I would be DED FROM LAUGHTER.

*does not at all suggest that this would be an awesome multi-fandom crackfic challenge*

[apathocles.livejournal.com]

And you know you want stripper!Rorschach. ROWR.

[apathocles.livejournal.com]

And and and, the only thing I can think of about pole dancer!Unicron is that he already has a galactic vagina dentata, and I am SO IN THE BAD MENTAL PLACE RIGHT NOW OMG and am determined to drag you down with me.

[andraste]

Oh my God, I CAN'T BREATHE.

I apologise for inadvertently asphyxiating you!

Strangely enough, it was 'Rumble: Ho' that pushed me over the edge.

I, for one, find the image of Rumble standing on a street corner in fishnets and boots hilarious ...

But oh man, Wheeljack would make a great pirate.

He so would!

And Skyfire could service many Transformers at once, given his size. (Missing scene from Fire in the Sky: Skyfire was actually servicing the captured Autobots when Starscream came along. Poor, poor Starscream.)

... Heh, given the number of jokes in the fandom about Skyfire being the Autobot taxi, I guess it's not too much of a reach to make him the Autobot bike, huh? XD

Makes perfect sense to me! And he and Starscream broke up because having two enormous sluts in one relationship is so challenging.

Someone needs to write a porn star politislash AU, oh yes. (And I will never see the words 'Coalition of the Willing' in quite the same way again.)

It puts a whole new spin on it, doesn't it?

*does not at all suggest that this would be an awesome multi-fandom crackfic challenge*

*does not at all think about the logistics of running this*

And you know you want stripper!Rorschach. ROWR.

I REALLY REALLY DO NOT!!!

And and and, the only thing I can think of about pole dancer!Unicron is that he already has a galactic vagina dentata, and I am SO IN THE BAD MENTAL PLACE RIGHT NOW OMG and am determined to drag you down with me.

Tragically, I am already there. The pole-dancing Unicron place is a bad place indeed.

[quixotic-sense.livejournal.com]

George W. Bush: Vibrator tester
Tony Blair: Professional Tramp
John Howard: Lap dancer

Tea, meet your new best friend: screen.

[andraste]

Tea, meet your new best friend: screen.

I am sorely tempted to make lj icons.

[kakodaimon.livejournal.com]

Alas, I actually imagined Unicron poledancing... *gouges eyes* This made/ruined my day. Thank you!

[andraste]

Alas, I actually imagined Unicron poledancing... *gouges eyes* This made/ruined my day. Thank you!

I aim to please!

[acetal.livejournal.com]

Well, ol' George is from Texas, so technically it'd be a `massage device' or `educational tool'. The buttplugs are still buttplugs though.

[andraste]

Well, ol' George is from Texas, so technically it'd be a `massage device' or `educational tool'. The buttplugs are still buttplugs though.

Which is faintly mind boggling, when you think about it. I guess vibrators can be educational, for a given definition of 'educational' ...

[tartanshell.livejournal.com]

LMAO! Optimus Prime as a nun is awesome. *g*

I've only recently discovered Transformers, and I'm so hooked.

[andraste]

LMAO! Optimus Prime as a nun is awesome. *g*

I know he finds Earth culture confusing, but he'd have to be really confused to become a nun!

I've only recently discovered Transformers, and I'm so hooked.

Transformers is awesome - it was one of my first fandoms when I was a Wee Andraste, and I've recently rediscovered its many cracktastic joys.