A Revelation
Feb. 10th, 2019 10:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andrasteSo, this week's Star Trek: Discovery got me thinking about moments when you realise that your favourite character is your favourite. Because, at least for me, with some characters it's practically instantaneous, and with others it takes a while, and sometimes I don't figure it out until later.
I have to admit, they got me completely with Saru's 'death scene' and I was really upset and sitting there thinking 'nooooooooo you cannot kill my fave!' and then he DID NOT DIE and I thought 'huh, I guess he really is my fave?' Because before then, if asked, I'd have said 'well, I love Saru but I also love Michael and Stamets and Tilly and I really miss having Lorca around as well even though he is an Evil Space Fascist and I think it's a good thing for the show that his arc only lasted one season.' But while I do love all those other characters, the idea of Discovery without Saru was immensely distressing to me in a way I only get over the characters I'm most attached to.
This is not the first time that this has happened - believe it or not, it took me until I got on the internet and started looking for fanfiction to realise that Charles Xavier was my Best Beloved. (Keep in mind that this was 1996 and there was basically no fanfic about him at the time. Had I a time machine, I would love to pop back to my annoyed teenage self and reassure her that this was not going to be a problem for her twenty years down the road ...)
On the other hand, I knew that I loved Magneto basically as soon as he appeared and began talking. There's also the time the Twelfth Doctor was talking to a tramp about his face and I thought 'he is my favourite Doctor.' (I then told myself I was being ridiculous because it was far too soon to make up my mind after less than half an episode, but my love never wavered after that.) With Londo Mollari it took until he told Adira was his password was, and with G'Kar it was the singing to his lunch, so both of those happened pretty early. I think Merrill became my favourite Dragon Age character somewhere during that first hilariously awkward conversation with Hawke, but I don't think I knew that until at least the second time I played the game. I don't even remember a time when I didn't love Starscream - I definitely did by 1987 when I was distressed by his death. (Little did I know that he would end up dying and coming back in most versions of the canon to the point where I would become completely blasé about it.)
... all of which to say, if there's a pattern in any of that, I do not know what it is. But sometimes you really don't know you love a thing until you think it might be gone. Or you cannot find any fanfic about it.
I have to admit, they got me completely with Saru's 'death scene' and I was really upset and sitting there thinking 'nooooooooo you cannot kill my fave!' and then he DID NOT DIE and I thought 'huh, I guess he really is my fave?' Because before then, if asked, I'd have said 'well, I love Saru but I also love Michael and Stamets and Tilly and I really miss having Lorca around as well even though he is an Evil Space Fascist and I think it's a good thing for the show that his arc only lasted one season.' But while I do love all those other characters, the idea of Discovery without Saru was immensely distressing to me in a way I only get over the characters I'm most attached to.
This is not the first time that this has happened - believe it or not, it took me until I got on the internet and started looking for fanfiction to realise that Charles Xavier was my Best Beloved. (Keep in mind that this was 1996 and there was basically no fanfic about him at the time. Had I a time machine, I would love to pop back to my annoyed teenage self and reassure her that this was not going to be a problem for her twenty years down the road ...)
On the other hand, I knew that I loved Magneto basically as soon as he appeared and began talking. There's also the time the Twelfth Doctor was talking to a tramp about his face and I thought 'he is my favourite Doctor.' (I then told myself I was being ridiculous because it was far too soon to make up my mind after less than half an episode, but my love never wavered after that.) With Londo Mollari it took until he told Adira was his password was, and with G'Kar it was the singing to his lunch, so both of those happened pretty early. I think Merrill became my favourite Dragon Age character somewhere during that first hilariously awkward conversation with Hawke, but I don't think I knew that until at least the second time I played the game. I don't even remember a time when I didn't love Starscream - I definitely did by 1987 when I was distressed by his death. (Little did I know that he would end up dying and coming back in most versions of the canon to the point where I would become completely blasé about it.)
... all of which to say, if there's a pattern in any of that, I do not know what it is. But sometimes you really don't know you love a thing until you think it might be gone. Or you cannot find any fanfic about it.