My Subconsious Is A Strange Place ...

Just when I think the part of my brain that comes up with weird Doctor Who stories while I sleep can't top Seventh Doctor/Peri, it throws a High School AU at me. After I'd woken up and finished wondering what I'd eaten the day before that could have provoked this (too much leftover Chinese?) it occurred to me that an AU where the various incarnations of the Doctors - plus companions - are school teachers would actually be highly entertaining.

Of course we already know what Ian and Barbara teach, what with them being teachers in actual canon. Various sources tell us that Seven teaches History, the Brig Mathematics and Ten Physics. Poor Rose is stuck being a dinner lady. Naturally Five is in charges of the school cricket team, and according to Tat Wood and Lawrence Miles 'the Eccleston Doctor dresses like a social studies teacher having a mid-life crisis' which is good enough for me.

Which leaves, er, everyone else. I can see Eight teaching some girly arty subject like English or Music, and being adorably bewildered that his students seem to pay rapt attention to everything he says but retain no information about his classes ...

I Am Not Writing A Doctor Who High School AU

Because it would be silly! If surprisingly popular, going by the number of people who claim they would read it.

Also because I would have to work out things like:

- What kind of British school would have a student body broad enough to encompass Victoria Waterfield and Charley Pollard at one end and Ace at the other? (Dorothy McShane is certainly bright enough to qualify for a scholarship to the kind of school that would cater to the likes of Turlough and Nyssa, but I have trouble imagining her applying herself enough to score one.)

- What kind of dog is K9, anyway? I'm thinking fox terrier, just going by the ears and the little waggy tail. Also, what is he doing on school grounds? Does the teacher formerly known as the Fourth Doctor get in trouble for bringing him to work? Does he chase Wolsey, the school cat?

- What kind of school would let Jack 'I'm A Sexual Harassement Suit Waiting To Happen!' Harkness onto their grounds, let alone hire him? I am so tempted to make him the Biology teacher, just for the bad jokes.

- What on earth does one do with Leela in a scenario like this? Erimem (and even C'Rizz and Destrii) can be exchange students from foreign lands, but Leela's warrior schtick is so much at the core of the character I'm not sure what she'd be like in a 21st century setting.

- Any way you look at it, the story seems over-supplied with school nurses. Harry Sullivan and Hex and Martha Jones seems like a bit much. (At least I cannot wrap my brain around Grace Holloway doing that job.)

- Do Deputy Heads in British schools take classes, or is it purely an admin position? (In Australia, the principal doesn't usually take classes him/herself. But it's not unheard of for the deputy - or deputies, if the school has more than one - squeeze a couple into their busy schedules.)

- Do they play cricket in Scotland? No, honestly, I don't know these things.

- I do not know what Fey Truscott-Sade (obscure comics character, for those who've never heard of her) would teacher, other than Being A Fabulous Lesbian. Which is not taught formally in any school I've heard of.